I wrote the below article for a graduate-level leadership course I recently completed. During the course, we examined the art and science of organizational leadership. I've posted the article on this website to help explain the motivations that ultimately led my family and I toward vacation Rving. The article talks about how my grandfather's death in 2007 changed the way I view life. My family and I bought our first RV a couple months after my grandfather's death.
Warren Bennis and Robert Thomas, in their
essay, Crucibles in Leadership, argue
that good leaders use crucible events to “force . . . deep self-reflection,
where they examine their values, question their assumptions, and hone their
judgment.”[i] Within my own professional career, the crucible event that caused me to critically reexamine the way I
viewed my role and responsibilities as a leader was the death of my
grandfather 2007. My grandfather’s death,
and the missed opportunities to spend more time with him in his later years,
made me reexamine my “work first, family later” approach to work and leadership. In recognition of my regrets
over the missed opportunities to spend time with my grandfather, and in honor
of the extraordinary support my grandfather always gave me, I have strove, and
will continue to strive, as an organizational leader, to be an exemplar for subordinates, peers, and superiors of a work-life balanced lifestyle.
For me, my grandfather was a
giant. He was the patriarch of my family
and an unwavering advocate of everything I did.
During the early years of my professional career, my grandfather wrote me almost daily,
despite the fact that my letters in return were few and far between. My grandfather always had a way of bringing perspective to life's frustrations. He was my greatest supporter.
It is easy to take for granted such
unconditional support and devotion. My
grandfather would give me his time, his ear, his compassion and his understanding,
and yet I frequently failed to reciprocate.
As a young, ambitious professional, I often found that I had little time
for family. I was trying to establish my
professional reputation; and in my mind, there would always be time for family
later.
My “work now, family later”
mentality was not uncommon among the mid and senior level managers that I worked for during my early career. I worked for an impersonal, result oriented executive. Though my immediate supervisor was a devoted family man, he was held in low regard by his peers and superiors. Since I desired to have a
successful career, I tried to emulate the hard work ethic and long
hours shown by the successful professionals at my workplace. My efforts were rewarded with good
evaluations and with more than one supervisor commenting approvingly of my
strong work ethic.
On 4 October 2007, I was struck broadside
by the inevitable failings of my “work now, family later” lifestyle when I
received a phone call from my mother informing me that my grandfather was in
the hospital dying. My grandfather’s
health had been poor for some time. I had
been meaning to visit him, but there was always so much work that needed to get done. I was proud that my superiors
relied on me, and I continuously looked to
validate their trust. I believed that validating
their trust meant working long hours and always being available. Upon receiving that phone call, for the first
time in my young professional career, I immediately dropped everything and traveled
to California to see him. I was scared
that I would not make it before he died.
When I got to the hospital, my
grandfather was lying in a bed, suffering from the pain of a failing body. When I walked into the room, my sister said,
“Look who's here, Grandpa!” My
grandfather responded with his familiar, “Hey Partner!” My sister told me that my grandfather had
been so happy when he heard that I was on the way. That final “Hey Partner” were the last words
my grandfather ever said to me.
I am comforted in knowing that my grandfather
lived a long and well-lived life. His
death nonetheless had a profound effect on me.
I felt, and continue to feel, regret over the missed opportunities to
spend time with him during the last years of his life. My grandfather’s death became a crucible
event within my life because it helped crystallize within my mind an
understanding that a “work now, family later” lifestyle would never provide a
meaningful and happy life.
As I look back upon the early years of my career, I recall that all my supervisors dutifully repeating a professed belief in work-life balance.
Yet, as a young professional, I, and many of my peers, failed to live
work-life balance lives. Our failure
mirrored the failures of our leaders, who themselves preached, but failed to maintain,
balance in their lives. It was accepted orthodoxy that long hours on
the job was the cost of a successful professional career.
It is a commonly accepted axiom that the best way to
bring change within an organization is for leaders to live the values they
preach. Actions speak louder than words, and therefore successful leaders must serve as role models of the professional culture they wish to impart upon their organizations. The importance of personal example as a tool
to institutionalize organizational values is particularly true for the
organizational leader, whose daily interactions with the rank- and-file is far
more limited than that of day-to-day supervisors.
I am a better leader and a better
family man than I was when my grandfather died in 2007. I still believe work is important; I just no
longer believe it to be all important.
My grandfather’s death helped me realize the importance of living a
work-life balanced lifestyle. As a leader, I will strive to be an exemplar of work-life balance for
others to follow; and to demonstrate that working long hours is not the only way to
enjoy professional success.
[i] Warren
Bennis and Robert Thomas, “Crucibles of Leadership,” Harvard Business Review, September 2002, Web, 18 Jan. 2016 <https://hbr.org/2002/09/crucibles-of-leadershiup>.
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